Ten things I Hate about Sirius Black by Remus Lupin
by Stella Lupa
Summary: Ten things I Hate about Sirius Black by Remus Lupin, with annotations by Sirius Black and with notes From James Potter. After Sirius makes the mistake of telling Snape where Remus goes every month. Remus is furious. Most people would not see this as a matchmaking opportunity. But not James Potter.
1. A Diary entry from Remus Lupin

Dear Diary

This was James's idea. He knew how angry I am at the moment. So he gave me this quill which is supposed to help you write more easily by connecting what is in your head to paper. Apparently his aunt who is a reporter uses them , Said it would better at channeling my anger. Well fine I'll play along. Anything just to lose my frustration at Sirius and just get on with my life.

10 things I hate I hate about Sirius Black

1\. How he rips your Book away just when you are at the climax and drag you away to do something else - p robably a prank of some kind or going to the kitchen to feed his incredibly high metabolism. I mean I don't think I will ever finish a Hogwarts a history if he keeps on doing this every time I sit down to read it .

2\. How annoyingly loud he is. I mean , is it so much to ask not to hear fireworks going of f every time I try and finish an essay for Professor Flitwick. Then every time I tell him to be a little bit quieter he say s , "Don't be a stick in the mud Moony." And I can't exactly tell him off the ! ' Cause I don't want to be the stick in the mud. But at the same time WHY CAN ' T HE JUST STAY QUIET! Wow these pens even do capitalization when shouting

3\. All the," Seriously," or ,"Serious jokes" .

I WILL SERIOUSLY THROTTLE SIRIUS IF I HEAR ANOTHER SERIOUS JOKE ENTER HIS MOUTH!... No pun intended.

4\. How reckless he is. He never considers the long term consequences of anything. I mean what did he think would happen if he told Snape I was in the shrieking shack? Do you think he even thought about possibly making me a murderer? Do you think he even thought about me being kicked out of school? Do you think he even thought about the misery it would have caused me to subject someone to my condition? No because Sirius Black doesn't think at all. Let's just thank god for James that 's all I can say .

5\. How he flirts with everyone. I mean everyone. Even teachers! Gender isn't an issue. If I have to hear him talk about how he has a thing about Defense teachers I might punch him. Just because he is good looking he thinks he can flirt with anyone he meets! It's incredible.

6\. The fact he interrupts every date I go on.

I honestly have given up dating because of him.

I have had five stink bombs.

Two just dragging me away from the date.

One saying Peter had fallen down the staircase on his way to the kitchen.

And one quite memorable time when he walked up to my date punched him in the nose and told him to piss off.

True his father was in charge of the search for Greyback and was saying how all werewolves should be locked up. But that's not the point!

7\. I know this relates to four but I do not care the fact he is unaware of danger.

Does he care he is friends with a dangerous werewolf? No.

Does he deliberately antagonise Slythterins when he carelessly left his wand upstairs? Yes.

Does he shout out Voldermort sucks in the middle of a family party filled with death eaters and pro Voldermort supporters? Yes.

Do I need to go on?

8\. How he is so stubborn. How he never back down from a fight with Snape. How he always says he is right when he is wrong. Like, he doesn't run away when you tell him to leave you alone because you're a monster. How he still comforts you when you say you are fine after your mum dies.

Shit what kind of quill is this James!

9\. How I can't stay mad at him. No matter what he has done. I mean, I know I will forgive him, because he is Sirius the guy who was first to figure out you were a werewolf and still stayed your friend. He will take walks with me as Padfoot when I am upset. Who calls me Moony and then laughs at me when I tell him to keep his voice down.

Woah getting deep here James.

10.

How contrary he is.  
He comes from a line of Slytherins and yet be a Gryffindor.  
How he can be so selfish and so kind. How he can be so loud and yet be so considerate.  
How he can be scared as hell but still be brave.  
How I can hate him and still yet love him…WHAT THE HELL JAMES!

What quill is this!

I love Sirius !

No I love Sirius!

Damn it won't even let me write I hate him.


	2. Annotations by Sirius Black

**Annotations made by Sirius Black**

**Don't blame me. It was James's fault for point** **ing** **out that you left you diary on the bedside table**

**1\. Don't blame me Moony for putting a bit excitement in your life. If not for me and James you would be reading 24/7, 7 days a week. And who needs to finish a history of magic.**

**2\. ** **Hey I'm not loud! I mean ****I'm** **not loud. You must admit the fireworks were fun.**

**3\. Remus** **, you** **can't be serious. I'M SIRIUS. Honestly those jokes are le** **gend** **ary and we both know you would never throttle me.**

**4\. I am sorry about that. Maybe you are right about the fact that I'm reckless. And trust me I am every bit as thankful to James as you are.**

** jealous Remus? I'm sorry but you can't deny the chemistry between ****me ****and our dear ****D** **efense teacher. But I'm sure I can give him up for you.**

**6\. I'm sorry Moony but you have serious bad taste. I had to save you, you should be thanking me! I mean that douchebag who said all those things about werewolves should be kept in cages was unacceptable. I sorry but it would not have worked.**

**7\. ** **I'm going to take that as a compliment dear Moony. It is just a sign of my supreme bravery. And Moony don't call yourself dangerous because you ****are not** **. And what is life without a bit of excitement. Those Slytherins and my family had it coming.**

**8\. ** **Umm…Moony you don't think you have got the knack of making a , " I Hate You list," just saying.**

**9\. Aww you hit me right in my heart. I am loving this, you should write in your diary more often.**

**10\. ** **I love you too Moony.**


	3. Diary of James potter Master Matchmaker

**Extract from the diary James potter.**

**I did it!**

**From now on, when I enter the room people will shout all hail James ****P** **otter the ****K** **ing of the matchmakers. Now as I haven't told you so far diary in fear of detection** **, ****b** **ut since it has been successful there is no harm in telling you the details of my brilliance.**

**I have been on a mission to unite our dear Moony and Padfoot. To create what I have dubbed for ever more as, " puppy love." It is an epic name even if Sirius hates it.**

**It all started two months ago when I noticed my dear Padfoot acting peculiarl** **y** **(odder than usual** **.** **)Thorough my supreme coercion tactics he spill** **ed** **the beans. Padfoot had a not so small crush on our dear Moony. (Minor fainting fit and heart attack followed this on both sides)**

**When I recovered from the shock of finding out my best friend was in love with my other best friend. I swore to Padfoot I would not tell Moony.**

**Thus my mission was set.**

**Operation** **: G****et Padfoot to confess his love for Moony to Moony.**

**This was hard as our dear Padfoot ****i****s so s****t****u****b****born** **. H** **e would never tell Moony his feelings. But I looked at Moony and I started to notice the subtle sign** **s:** **How he smiled around Padfoo** **t.** **How he would laugh at Sirius jokes. How Moony literally went Moony eyed over Padfoot. I suspected that Moony like** **s** **Padfoot. But Remus is dense about his feelings. He probably hadn't realised his feelings yet.**

**A new mission was born**

**Operation** **: G****et Moony to realise and confess his feelings to Padfoot without telling him that Padfoot liked him.**

**It really wasn't as simple as it sounded.**

**But slowly I devised a plan and asked my aunt for a quick quotes quill to help with my master plan.**

**Then disaster hit.**

**Sirius was a prat.**

**He almost got Snape killed and got moony sent to Azakaban. Remus was livid. Now people would ****have** **seen this as the point of no hope but not James potter. Matchmaking Extraordinaire. I saw it as the opportunity I needed.**

**I** **convinced Remus to write a list of things he hate** **s** **about Sirius. And I offered to give the quick quotes quill** **, so** **he didn't have to think about it as he wrote it. All he had to do was to think about why he hated Sirius and the pen would write it. Now this may seem strange but it would bring feelings to the surface for Moony to see. All I had to ****d** **o was** **to** **hope the pen could tell what Remus didn't. **

**So I left it. The next day Remus forgave Sirius. I knew there was something up for Moony to forgive the Prat so easily. I searched for Moony's diary and resulted with what I had been hoping for.**

**A written confession.**

**Now all I had to ****do wa** **s ****to ****have Sirius read it. Moony stopped writing in his diary. He just left it on his bedside table for weeks. All I had to do was w** **a** **nder to Sirius why moony had stopped writing in his diary. Later I came up and Sirius thrust the diary in front of me asking what he should do.**

**"Just reply." I said. Grinning I went and got ready for bed.**

**My plan was going marv** **elo** **usly.**

**Then when I was certain that Sirius's reply was what I needed.** ** (Y** **ep another confession in moony's diary.)Then I went up to Remus in the dormitory when Sirius and Peter had gone for a pre-Quidditch practice fly about.**

**"Moony I ****k** **now you haven't been writing in your diary. I think it is about time you started writing it again."**

**He raised the his eyebrows and** **I** **went out of the dormitory and sat down on an armchair pretending to read****"Quidditch through the ages."**

**Five minutes later who should I hear hurtling through the stairs but our dear Moony holding his diary.**

**"where.." He started.**

**"Quidditch pitch. " I stated** **,** **not looking up from my book.**

**I heard him running through the portrait hole out of ear shot.**

**20 minutes later I went to get the Quidditch balls for practice. Who should ****I see ****sn****o****gging the living daylight out of each other in the middle of the changing room but Moony and Padfoot.**

**They both looked at me, terror in their eyes.**

**"Nice day for Quidditch" I commented carrying the equipment out of the changing rooms.**

**And that is the story my dear diary of the master matchmaker James ****P** **otter. Romance master.**

**Side note from Padfoot: if you are so brilliant then why is Evans not dating you.**

Side note from Moony: No one's diary is private apparently.


	4. Extract from Peter Pettigrew's Diary

Extract from the diary of Peter Pettigrew:

I am so confused...


End file.
